Thinking of You
by Sandylee007
Summary: Years later, Naruto still finds it hard to forget… YAOI ONESHOT


A/N: Heh, back with a yet another oneshot. (grins, and rubs hands together)

When I first heard Katy's song, I KNEW I'd end up making a fanfic based on it. And then the idea of this particular fic got slammed into my head, so here we are. (grins sheepishly)

THE TIMING OF THIS STORY: This takes place around four to six years from the current manga events.

WARNINGS: yaoi, oddness, a bit of a tissue warning I guess…

Awkay, because I bet you'd all like to get on with the story already, here it is! I REALLY hope you'll enjoy this 'spur of the moment' –piece! (chews lower lip nervously)

DISCLAIMER: Sadly enough, I don't own Naruto, or Katy Perry's 'Thinking of you'. (sniffs) Oh well, at least I've still got some pairs of socks and my computer…

* * *

**Thinking of You**

* * *

_**Comparisons are easily done  
Once you've had a taste of perfection  
Like an apple hanging from a tree  
I picked the ripest one  
I still got the seed**_

_**You said move on  
Where do I go  
I guess second best  
Is all I will know**_

* * *

Naruto had always been good at being able to tell right from wrong. Once upon a time Kiba had even gone as far as saying that if it'd come down to it, he'd be the last good guy on the face of the earth.

That night, with what he was once again doing, Naruto wasn't so sure about it.

Suppressing a deep sigh that would've so desperately wanted to erupt, he pushed his naked body into a sitting position, then – slowly and almost reluctantly – turned his gaze towards the other male resting in the bed beside where he'd just been, back to him. With a quick glance everything seemed so very right. Black hair, pale soft skin…

He looked away and almost winced at the taste in his mouth.

Yet still, something felt so horribly wrong that although this had been going on for almost three years already, he still felt sick to his stomach after these nights.

Because no matter how hard his nighttime visitor tried, the raven just couldn't taste, smell, feel and sound right – and hard as Naruto tried, he couldn't fool his senses.

Even after four years, the longing was just too strong.

His visitor just couldn't turn into _him_ – the alikeness, the façade, was only skin deep.

He closed his eyes and licked his lips, and could've sworn he felt a familiar taste – the one he'd been looking for all night.

"_Dobe."_

Refusing to shed tears – he'd ran out of those years ago – he narrowed his eyes, furious with himself and feeling even more disgusted with himself than moments earlier.

He didn't make a sound while getting up and walking through the apartment's door.

* * *

_**Cause when I'm with him  
I am thinking of you  
Thinking of you  
What you would do if  
You were the one  
Who was spending the night  
Oh I wish that I  
Was looking into your eyes**_

* * *

Cool night air did miracles with easing the burning of his eyes and cheeks, and he took several hungry breaths, his eyes sliding halfway closed. Judging by how dark it was and how late he knew it to be he assumed that pretty much everyone else was asleep, and those few still wandering around most likely wouldn't care about him.

In the security of the solitude and darkness, he searched through his pockets, finally pulling out a cigarette. He almost chuckled darkly at himself while doing so.

"You'd smack me for this, wouldn't you?" he murmured before he managed to stop himself while lighting the cigarette. "You always hated the way I taste after smoking."

Wind blew words that sounded impossibly distant into his ears, making him feel even colder than he had already.

_"We both know they won't let me get away with this, idiot. So let go already, stop chasing after me. Haven't you wasted enough of your life on me already?"_

His eyes narrowed.

It wasn't fucking fair, damn it!

It wasn't fair that even after four years, that voice, taste, scent and touch still lingered. It wasn't fair that after such a long time he still felt like _this_ – that he still had to fight so hard to make it through everyday functions, to _live_. And it sure as hell wasn't fair that although it'd been such a long time, he still called out _his_ name in his visitor's arms.

There was nothing fair about life.

Shivering a little, Naruto dropped the cigarette although there was over half of it left.

There was no point in him making himself feel even sicker than he did already.

* * *

_**You're like an Indian summer  
In the middle of winter  
Like a hard candy  
With a surprise center  
How do I get better  
Once I've had the best  
You said there's  
Tons of fish in the water  
So the waters I will test**_

_**He kissed my lips  
I taste your mouth  
He pulled me in  
I was disgusted with myself**_

* * *

Judging by how cold his skin had become, he must've stood outside for a long time until a familiar voice finally guided him back to awareness. "Naruto?" He tried to tell himself that he shouldn't have thought the arms wrapping around him felt wrong, that he shouldn't have wished and wondered… "Were you having nightmares?"

Nightmares… The word almost made him chuckle bitterly.

If only this had been about something as ridiculous and childish as dreams…

After taking a breath he willed himself to turn around, to meet the pair of black eyes that almost fooled him into believing… "Nah, I just… needed fresh air."

Sai, still not all that familiar with emotions, frowned lightly, most definitely wondering. "Oh", was what the boy said in the end. Those eyes – which didn't seem alike enough at all now that moonlight shone into them, revealing the deception – moved towards the cigarette he'd dropped. "Can I have one?"

He felt uncomfortable squirming in his stomach, barely managed to nod and hand one roll to the raven. "Sure."

Night ticked on silently while they drifted in a somewhat peaceful silence.

For a moment, although his thoughts were still far from where they were supposed to be, the world inside Naruto was as calm as the one outside. The scent of Sai's cigarette lulled him into a blanket of numbness, and the surprisingly thick smoke made it easy to imagine whom he wanted to beside him.

Yet again his stubborn mind drifted.

_He could still recall the look in Tsunade's eyes. "I'm sorry, Naruto. It wasn't under my power to decide."_

He rubbed his eyes, feeling tired all of a sudden.

It must've been the smoke irritating his eyes.

* * *

_**Cause when I'm with him  
I am thinking of you  
Thinking of you  
What you would do if  
You were the one  
Who was spending the night  
Oh I wish that I  
Was looking into...**_

* * *

He woke up from his thoughts to find Sai looking at him with a slight frown that looked disturbingly familiar in his current state of mind. "Why… are you looking at me like that?"

He blinked, genuinely confused. "Like what?"

Sai had never been overly knowledgeable or clever when it came to emotions, but sometimes the boy could be so observant that it was painful. The disappointment appearing to those dark depths – which were so familiar once more – tore his chest. "You're thinking about _him_, aren't you?"

Giving a deep sigh he looked away and folded his arms, not sure what to say. What words would make this situation better, anyway? Somehow 'I'm sorry' didn't seem to cut it, not after such a long time and with how many times they'd had this conversation already.

Although he wasn't looking, he could tell Sai nodded. He heard the other's feet moving. "I'm going home now – it's almost morning, anyway."

There was a lot that should've been said, tons of things that would've been important to be sorted out. But for some reason he just couldn't bring himself to move his hand and grab Sai's wrist when the boy started to walk away – they were too tired to go through this again right now. "See you tomorrow", the raven stated in a somewhat strange tone, not turning to look at him.

He merely nodded, fairly sure that the other sensed it.

No sweet words of parting or affection, no wishes of goodnight. Only a cool breeze spoke when moving around and between them.

Once Sai had disappeared Naruto buried his face into both hands, and fought with his all to hold back a scream. About ten minutes later he was coherent enough to light another cigarette.

_What the hell am I doing?_

His eyes were almost glazed over when he lifted them towards the sky, sinking into the depths of bittersweet 'what ifs'.

* * *

_**You're the best  
And yes I do regret  
How I could let myself  
Let you go  
Now the lesson's learned  
I touched it I was burned  
Oh I think you should know**_

* * *

It took quite a while before Naruto finally managed to drag himself back inside, and once there he discovered that this would be a yet another sleepless night. Flashes passed his bloodshot, half lidded eyes like a stupid movie, making the situation even more painful than it would've needed to be.

He could still remember what it'd felt like to have back the one he'd been chasing so long…

He could still recall what their first night and the one summer they'd had together had been like – back when nothing had been decided, when there'd still been hope…

And he could remember even more clearly the last night, the desperate heat that'd driven them, the flames that'd burned all over…

But the clearest of all he could remember all those words he should've said, those chances he'd allowed to pass by…

_I've missed you so much._ (He'd done his best to show it, but couldn't help wondering what might've happened if he'd actually said it…)

_Don't you dare leave me again._ (He wondered if saying that plea out loud would've made any difference, if it would've been the trigger needed.)

_I love you._ (He'd never dared to say it when there'd still been a chance, and it was his greatest regret.)

Morning's first sunrays were trying to brush his face when he finally realized what he should've done a long time ago, what he'd been avoiding all this time.

His muscles worked with surprising ease when he crawled out of the bed, realized by the doorway that he had barely any clothes on, got dressed and walked out.

It was time to face what he should've years ago, to say what'd he'd been supposed to although it was already too late.

* * *

_**Cause when I'm with him  
I am thinking of you  
Thinking of you  
What you would do if  
You were the one  
Who was spending the night  
Oh I wish that I  
Was looking into your eyes  
Looking into your eyes  
Looking into your eyes  
Oh won't you walk through  
And bust in the door  
And take me away  
Oh no more mistakes  
Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay...**_

* * *

Sakura seemed surprised, almost shocked, when seeing him. "Well good morning." She frowned when taking a look at his face, obviously seeing the far too clear signs. "Are you… alright?"

He swallowed thickly, barely even registering her question. "Has… there been any change?" Like he hadn't known the answer already, but he had to ask, just in case, just to make sure…

The change in Sakura's eyes shattered the little hope he'd tried to salvage. "Naruto…" She trailed off, most likely not knowing what to say.

How was she supposed to be heartless enough to voice those facts?

Using absolutely all his willpower, he forced a feeble grin. "Meh, it's okay." He scratched his head, fighting with himself to not back down now. "So… I guess I'm going."

He was fairly sure Sakura said something while her hand brushed his shoulder, but he heard none of it, for it took all his concentration to remember how to walk.

The room he entered was even bleaker than he'd expected – white walls, sterile stench – but he noticed none of it, because all his attention became fixed to the person lay in a bed. This time _everything_ seemed and felt right – except for the fact that those eyes he'd been longing to see weren't open.

Not that he should've been surprised. They'd told him that the mind and memory wiping technique that'd been Sasuke's punishment had failed miserably – the Uchiha would never wake up again, they'd explained to him, almost like it hadn't mattered at all.

And he hated himself for falling into believing them, for still wondering if they'd been right.

His legs trembled while he slumped into the chair placed beside the bed, not knowing what to say for a long moment. "Hey, Sasuke", he all but whispered in the end. He looked down, and focused on Sasuke's hand once grabbing it. "I just… I'm sorry it took me this long to come and visit you again. This… This isn't easy, okay?" It'd been three and a half years from the last time…

He swallowed thickly, and decided that it was finally time to say what he'd been supposed to. "I… There's a lot I need to say to you, so you better listen."

* * *

_**Stay…**_

* * *

_**Owari.**_

* * *

A/N: Heh, I don't think anyone who's read my oneshots before expects a happy fic from me anymore. (grins, then sniffs) Poor boneheads! But at least Naruto now has the gutts to say what he's been supposed to, ne? (sniffs again)

I'm in a bit of a hurry right now (gah, as per usual…), so I've gotta start tuning out.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this, and **PLEASE** leave me a review so I'll know whether this was worth posting or not!

Take care!


End file.
